The Crystal Soul Alchemists: Secrets from the Past
by CaityAndNaeHeartCookies
Summary: Following an interrogation procedure, Ed and Al are caught up in three girls struggles to find their true identities, and perhaps grab the Philosophers Stone along the way. OC's. Rated M for violence and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Caity: Hey-llo! How is everyone today?! Me? I am excellent! Anyway... this story won't follow the original storyline of the anime, Ed's a state alchemist and they're still after the philospher's stone for the same reasons, so its basically a side mission sorta thing. I think that's about it....Soooooo let's get started.**

**Nae: Caity and I do not own Full metal alchemist, though Caity wishes that she owned Ed...but she does own her three OC's Caity, Nae and Tash (She's not very imaginative with names is she??)**

**Caity: -_-" You know just because you typed that in brackets doesn't mean that I can't read it..**

**Nae: oh ummm..... -Shifty eyes-..... uhmmm ACTION!**

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_Prologue_

_It was dark. Cold. Damp. I could feel the coldness of the steel I was laying upon biting at me through my clothes. It was silent, except for the slow dripping of water somewhere within the room. I attempted to tug at the thick, leather straps, but I couldn't move my body, despite how hard I tried to struggle. Where am I? Whats going on? I ceased trying to move, the footsteps I could hear coming closer making me freeze. I could hear my rapid heartbeat as I lay still, my instincts saying that if I didn't move, the footsteps wouldn't find me. They stopped and a bright light switched on, blinding me. I clamped my eyes shut and listened to the footsteps as they slowly walked towards me and stopped, I could feel the man's presence just a metre from me._

_The next thing I knew, I was watching from somewhere else. I could see my body lying discarded, lifeless, on the cold steel table. Am I dead? A large man walked around, drawing alchemy circles on the roof and floor. Satisfied, he touched his hands to the intricate drawings, a bright light filling the room._

_I awoke. I screamed in terror as pain erupted through my body. Blackness quickly overtook me again and the pain was gone. I haven't awoken since..._

"Colonel Mustang, the Elric brothers are here sir."

"Thank you Hawkeye, send them in," Mustang quickly swung his chair around so that his back was to the door, he had always wanted to do the whole evil-genius-chair thing.

"Hellooooo?" Al called as he clanked into the room after his little big brother.

"I've been expecting you...Edward..." Mustang whispered in his well-practiced scary voice as he swung his chair around to face them.

"...Ahhhh...." Ed muttered sarcastically as he pretended to be shocked by the colonels sudden appearance.

"What do you need us for?" Al asked as he rolled his eyes (Is that possible for a suit of armour? Oh well it is now!).

"Weeeeeeeeeell....hmmm I don't know, I mean what could I possibly want with a shrimp and a hunk of scrap metal...."

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME SO SHORT THAT I COULD BE CRUSHED BY A GRAIN OF SAND!!" Ed exploded as he attempted to leap over the desk and rip Mustang apart.

"Brother...he didn't say that.." Al sighed as he grabbed his brother's arms and held him in place until he had calmed down.

"Well now that Ed's got that out of his system, let's go, there is someone I need you to talk to for me." Mustang rose from his chair, wincing both from the pain and the sound of hitting his knee on the underside of his table. Very professional. Very professional indeed.

"Why should I?" Ed scoffed as he crossed his arms.

"Well, firstly it's an order and secondly no-one else has been able to get the location of her friends out of her.." Mustang trailed off as he dug through a filing cabinet.

"Fine, whatever.."

"Great! Here you may need these," Mustang paused as he handed Ed three files he procured form the cabinet," Now let's go Eddie!"

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!!!!"

Mustang smirked as he strode past the frothing-at-the-mouth-Ed and out the door, leading the way through headquarters until they arrived at cell #13 (Caity's birthday!!! lol). Screaming and cursing could be heard from in inside, Ed and Al sweat dropped as they stopped outside the door to listen.

"-JUST YOU WAIT WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE I'LL COME AFTER EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND STRANGLE YOU WITH THEM!! YA HEAR ME!! I GUESS NOT! EITHER THAT OR I'M BEING IGNORED! STILL NOTHING HUH!? WELL YOU ASKED FOR IT!! ON THE GOOD SHIP LOLLIPOP IT'S A SWEET TRIP TO THE CANDY SHOP!!....I CAN'T REMEMBER THE REST OF THAT SONG RIGHT NOW, I'LL HAVE TO ASK MY FRIEND LATER, BUT WHEN I DO OH-HO-HO YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT!! I'L-"

"Do I have to?" Ed asked Mustang, almost whining.

"Uh huh! Have fun..." Mustang sang as he waved and walked back to his office, he had a lot of windows to clean between now and lunch time....oh and of course there was all that paperwork too but that could wait until later...

"Damnit..." Ed sighed as he flicked the first file open and scanned it's contents quickly, the photo was of a blonde haired, blue eyed girl that reminded him strangely of Winry...

**Name: Unknown**

**Alias: Caity**

**Military Title: The Crystal Ice Alchemist**

**Age: 14**

**Height: 163cm**

**Gender: Female**

**Nationality: Unknown  
**

**Blood type: Unknown**

**Background: Orphaned at the age of 6 and due to amnesia can't remember anything before this time. Obtained from hospital in Japan, but believed to be of German descent.  
**

**Other Information: Sharp shooter, was trained under Riza Hawkeye up until she escaped 6 months ago.**

Ed sighed once more, gee that was informative...Rolling his eyes he opened the second folder to see a mischievous looking red-head staring back at him, her eyes held a familiar-looking creepy glint and his first thoughts were..

'I wonder if Mustang has a daughter..'

**Name: Nae Volkova**

**Alias: Nae**

**Military Title: The Crystal Fire Alchemist**

**Age: 15**

**Height: 130cm**

**Gender: Female**

**Nationality: Russian  
**

**Blood type: O**

**Background: Orphaned at the age of 3, appears to have been subject to unknown experimentation.**

**Other Information: Weapon's specialist, trained under Maes Hughes until her disappearance 6 months ago. Doesn't appear to have alchemic powers.**

Again, so much information. He opened the last file to see a brunette practically glaring at him. Shuddering, he reminded himself that it was only a picture and began to read..

**Name: Tasha Mitchell **

**Alias: Tash**

**Military Title: The Crystal Lightning Alchemist**

**Age: 15**

**Height: 178**

**Gender: Female**

**Nationality: American  
**

**Blood Type: A**

**Background: Father served at the Japanese base of the military before he was suspected of illegal experimentation. He was found murdered at his home.  
**

**Other Information: Believed to be subjected to experimentation involving metal being fused to her bones. Trained under Alex Louise Armstrong until she disappeared 6 months ago.**

"Well, Al let's get this over with I guess..."

Ed nodded to the guards and they unlocked the door. Ed and Al strode in, handcuffed inside was the blonde girl screaming at the top of her lungs.

"-MUSTANG! YOU DOG! WHEN I GET MY HANDS FREE I'LL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY!! I HATE YOU! YOU SICK SON OF A-"

"Ahem..." Al fake coughed in an attempt to get the girls attention and it worked...for three seconds, before she continued.

"MUSTANG!!!! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!! I SWEAR!!! LET ME GO!! DON'T MAKE ME USE THE SPORK!! YES, THAT'S HOW SERIOUS I AM!! I WOULD EVEN USE THE SPORK!!! I BET YOUR QUIVERING IN FEAR RIGHT NOW HUH!?? WELL YOU SHOULD BE-"

"Excuse me but could you please..SHUT UP!!" Ed exploded for the second time in five minutes. The girl stopped shouting and turned to glare at them.

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING DWARF!"

"DWARF!! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A STATE ALCHEMIST!!"

"WHATEVER, LAST I CHECKED THEY DON'T LET BLONDE DWARVES INTO THE MILITARY!"

"ARE YOU DISSING MY HAIR COLOUR!!??! YOUR BLONDE TOO!!"

"SHADDUP SHRIMPO!!"

"I SWEAR IF YOU WEREN'T HANDCUFFED I WOULD KILL YOU"

"OH REALLY!?"

"YEAH!"

"Guys that's enough!" Al shouted, Ed looked at Al with wide eyes, Al doesn't shout...he just doesn't. The girl 'hmphed' and turned her head away from them.

"Brother, remember why we're here ok?"

"Fine, but if she calls me short one more time!"

"....short..." the girl muttered, snickering when Ed went from calm to enraged in 1.3 seconds.

"Brother..."

"Yeah, yeah....let's get this done already.."

"So what's you name? I'm Alphonse and this is my brother Edward..."

"You can call me Caity."

"So why are you here?" Ed asked as his curiosity won over his insanely short temper.

"Hmph, I shan't speak!" Caity said, "I have the right to remain silent!"

"Well...why can't you te-" Al's sentence was interrupted by a rather large explosion that blew the wall between cell #13 and #14 apart. Smoke and dust rose as a mysterious figure came out of the shadows.

"It's about time! I was waiting for 2 days!! Where have you guys been??" Caity demanded as the dust cleared away and the Elric boys could see the figure clearly, it wasn't one person but two, the shorter red-head being perched upon the taller brunette's shoulders.

"Keshizumi!! Your information was wrong!! She wasn't in cell #14! I don't remember Caity being an old man!!!" The red-head cried as she hit one of her many pockets, pocketing a hand grenade with the other hand.

"Tchya! It doesn't matter we are here now! Your rescuers in shining armour! I even have a noble steed!!" She continued dramatically, patting the brunette on the head.

"What? You said that you had to be high up to blow apart that wall..." The brunette seethed.

"Well I like to make an entrance..." The red-head trailed off as the brunette threw her from her shoulders and to the ground.

"Owww....that one hurt..."

"Pshh.." The brunette scoffed as she tapped Caity's handcuffs causing them to fall off, Caity squeaked as a small electric shock jolted through her fingers. She stood up shakily as she rubbed her wrists.

"You guys are so lucky! One second later and I would have had to try escaping myself.."

"Wait what's going on?" Ed asked as he glanced backwards and forwards between the two newcomers.

"Heh, I almost forgot about you, guess I couldn't see you..." Caity said as he glanced at Ed from the corner of her eye. He marched up to her and the glaring contest began, this went on for 6 minutes before Ed realised that he had to bend his neck to stare.

"Ha! Your shorter than me!"

"Shut up! It's only two centimetres!!"

"I'm still taller than you.."

"Grrr" Caity snarled, but just as she was about to pounce on her prey, aka Ed, muffled shouts were heard in the hallway. Tash grabbed Caity and Nae's wrists and dragged them towards the hole in the wall.

"Come on you two, I think we've overstayed our welcome..."

"Fine! But we shall meet again Shrimpo!!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME! I AM TALLER THAN YOU!!"

"Bye guys!!" the red-head yelled as she waved excitedly, then they were around the corner and out of sight.

"What...just happened...brother.."

"I don't know Al, but I think we just let those two bust her out of jail..."

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Mustang had finished cleaning his precious windows and decided to bug Ed some more before starting on that paperwork due in 7 minutes. He opened the door to find a huge hole in the wall, the prisoner gone, Ed and Al staring at the hole like idiots and no sign of a struggle.

"Elric, you had better have a good explanation for this.."

"Hehehe.. well ya see...they escaped..."

"Wait 'they'? There was more than one!"

"Yeah, including the prisoner there was three of them, why?"

"So they stayed together after all...thank you Ed! You did good kid."

"Don't call me kid!!"

"Gee, calm down Eddie, I need you to find and capture those three girls for me."

"What? I don't have time for that, I need to find the Philospher's Stone!"

"Oh well, that will just have to wait, you have more important things to deal with now...my wittle doggie.."

"Grrrr..."

**Three hours later**

"Where could they be?! We've searched everywhere for them! I swear that we've passed that tree four times already!!" Ed yelled, frustrated, as he pointed at a tree that was shaped like a kitten. Ed and Al walked down the street, stopping occasionally to interrogate street venders or random passerbyers. Nothing.

"I like that tree..."

"Al, now is not the time. We have to find those three, I have a bone to pick with the blonde one.." Ed growled as he shoved a photo of Caity in front of a man selling turnips, who trembled at the alchemist glare as he shook his head, misinterpreting Ed's annoyance.

"Don't be rash brother, please.."

"Fine Al, but if we don't find them soon I'm going back and telling Mustang where he can he can shove it..." Ed shoved the photo back into his pocket, Al giving the turnip man a quick 'Sorry'.

**Four hours later**

"This is ridiculous!!" Ed groaned as he dragged his feet along the ground, they had done about four laps of the city and they were still nowhere in sight.

"Brother I don't know if this important right now....but those two people over there have been following us for awhile..."

"What?!? Your telling me that those suspicious looking people in big coats and shades have been following us all this time and you didn't tell me!?!?"

"I tried to.."

_Flashback_

_"Brother! There-"_

_"Oooh when I get my hands on her, I'm going to knock her into yesterday!!!"_

_"But brother there's two-"_

_"And then when she arrives in yesterday she can tell herself not to mess me tomorrow!! It's genius!"_

_"Look over there, we're being fo-"_

_"Heh heh that'll teach her for insulting my height! I'm taller anyways!!"_

_"Bro-"_

_"Maybe I'll give Mustang a piece of this too!!"_

_"But-"_

_"And while I'm at it that Havoc can feel some of my awesome wrath!! I'll beat him to pulp!"_

_Al gave up trying to warn his brother about their 'stalkers', Ed always did have a two-track mind: Vengeance on those who called him short in any way, shape or form and the other track being...food. Instead he opted to keep a close eye on them and tell his brother later when he had cooled down a little bit._

_End of flashback_

"Oh......I'm hungry....."

**With the 'Stalkers'**

"Ow!! You're not supposed to walk _into_ the street lamps..." One of the people in the coats cried out as she rubbed her head after colliding with a random street lamp.

"Well your supposed to be guiding me!!" The coat yelled back. Oooook, a coat and it's wearer having an argument isn't something that you see everyday.

"Guys stop fighting people are staring!" The second coat wearer growled.

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!! YEAH I'M A COAT AND I'M TALKING DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM OR SOMETHI-"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bad coat! Bad!" The person yelled as they hit their coat repeatedly.

"Owie! Ouch! No not there! Ow! I'm sowwy!!!"

"Tchye, good coat!" The person said, giving the coat a quick pat, she then began to walk away....or more stumble, backwards. Unfortunately walking backwards means that you can't see, so as a result they walked into a bin. The force of the collision caused the person to split in half....no wait....it actually revealed the fact that it wasn't one person but two, one atop the others shoulders, proving the talking coat theory wrong, to one small child's disappointment...

"Damnit!" The 'coat' cursed as she stood up and clutched her head.

"Mumble mumble muffle muffle!! Mumffle!!!" The bin echoed, a pair of legs sticking out the top.

"What was that?"

"She's stuck in the bin" The second 'stalker' said as she rolled her eyes, a motion unseen due to her overly dark glasses. Those two were idiots...

"Oooooooooh I knew that!"

**Across the street**

"Is that..."

"What Al! Are the stalkers back?!?! No wait better yet you found that blonde shortie and now we can have our battle to the death!! Right?"

"Nooooooooo.....it's a kitty!"

"........"

"Here kitty, kitty!"

"Al....I hate you...."

"Awww who's a cute kitty-witty" Al cooed as he scratched the little black kitten behind the ear. Ed rolled his eyes and glanced the other way, which just so happened to be in the direction that the 'stalkers' were standing in. Ed's eyes widened as he watched two people try to pull the third one out of the trash can via their legs which were sticking out the top. His eyes narrowed as he inspected them closely, it was.....THEM!!

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**Caity: Muahahahha!! Cliffhanger!! Na-**

**Nae: Pssh some cliffhanger if they can't guess who it is then they're denser than you....**

**Caity: Yeah!**

**Nae: (Retard...)**

**Caity: Again! Just because you write stuff in brackets does not take away my ability to read it!**

**Nae: (She lies!!)**

**Caity: Also, since this is Nae and I's first story that properly incorporates OC's, please be kind if they are confusing and let us know if anything needs clearing up! You're sure to have one of us reply within the next couple of hours...**

**Nae: Unless we is asleep...**

**Caity: Yes, cause then we wont answer for obvious reasons....**

**Nae: Or if we are eating....**

**Caity: Or on the toilet....**

**Nae: Or sitting atop some random's roof cooking salami sandwiches on a portable stove thingy and dropping them down the random's chimney....**

***crickets***

**Caity:Riiiiight.....**

**Character descripos - Cause we be too lazy to incorporate them into the story! We will eventually have drawings up on our page, but till then!  
**

**Caity - Hair - Blonde with side fringe and two high-set pigtails.  
Eyes - Blue  
Clothes -Short blue jacket, the right sleeve hangs below her hand whereas the left is rolled up to below her elbow, plain white singlet underneath, black pleated skirt and  
pistol holsters. On her left leg, plain blue tights with black, below knee boots. Right leg, mid thigh black and blue striped sock and below knee boot. Has the whole  
mis-matched, lop sided look.  
**

**Nae - Hair - Mid back lenght red hair with striaght fringe and choppy, randomly cut layers. Wears a black and green cat beanie with long tassels.  
Eyes - Green  
Clothes - An off-shoulders, loose green crop top with tighter black crop top underneath, green fingerless gloves, black, a-few-sizes-too-big, heavily pocketed cargo pants,  
black with green laces skate shoes and suspenders. Childish looking.  
**

**Tash - Hair - Brunette, heavy side swept fringe with bits framing her face, short and choppy at the back with a headband  
Eyes - Brown  
Clothes - Very short black and red jacket with mid upper arm sleeves whoch slope to about her wrist, black corset - like sleeveless shirt over a white blouse, red ruffled  
skirt and thigh high black boots. She's got the whole sudectress thing going on.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Caity: Whoo chappie 2!! Nya!! Dunnn dunnn du-**

**Ed: Who's THEM?**

**Caity: Be quiet my awesome music sequence wasnt done!! Gawd!! Nae, do it for me!**

**Nae: Ok!! Ummm.....dun dun dun dun dunnn nuuuunnnn nun nun taaa daaaa rrrraaa!!!! Do ray, me, far,so, laa dee da!!! Theeeeee chicken came round the mountain, the chicken came round the mountain, the chicken came round the mountaaaaaaaaain!!!! Tooooo-**

**Ed: SHUTUP WOMAN!!!**

**Nae: o.o.....NO!!! I SHANT BE SILENCED!!! I REFUSE!!! I-**

**Caity: Just give her a sec, she'll run out of stuff to say, or get side-tracked, which ever comes first...**

**Nae: I HATE YOU ALL!!!!! I – OMFG!!! Is that a.....turtle???? Oh em ef gee, it is too!!! be right back!!**

**Caity: Told ya....I am a genious.......AN EVIL GENIUS!!!**

**Ed: Oh god...now its her turn.....**

**Caity: I SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD USING MY EVIL BUNNY DEATH RAY!!! AND AND....and...and....yeah, I got nothing...Imma go...see the turtle....yeah....-shuffles off-**

**Al: Well, since those two are off looking at the turtle, I had better do the disclaimer! Caity and Nae dont own-**

**Roy Mustang: ME!! I AM TOO HOT!! -rips off shirt and switches on radio and disco lights, singing- Im, too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat, so sexy it huuurts...**

**Ed: Aaaaah, my eyes, it buuuuuuurns!!!! Milk is better then this!!!**

**Al: Anyways.......They don't own us-**

**Roy: I'm too sexy for my pot plant, too sexy for pot plant, so sexy it huuuuurtsss...**

**Al: No I don't care if the camera's on me, I'm not saying it!**

**Roy: There is no way that they can own Full Metal Alchemist beeeeeecause I'm too sex-**

**Ed: SHUT UP ROY!!! -Super evil Ed death glare of doom!!-**

**Roy: Ha! -sings- I'm protected by immunity, protected by immunity so Ed's super evil death of doom has noooooo eeeeeeffect!!!**

**Caity: -ears are bleeding- START THE STORY!!**

**Turtle: .......**

**Yeah, we were originally gonna wait until we had the whole story written and Beta'd, but we are impatient and werent sure whether anyone would actually like this story. Plus every Beta reader we talked to agreed and never talked to us again...Hmmm...So, we shall just chuck up a couple of chappies and see how it goes I guess...  
**

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_**Recap**_

_"Al....I hate you...."_

_"Awww who's a cute kitty-witty" Al cooed as he scratched the little black kitten behind the ear. Ed rolled his eyes and glanced the other way, which just so happened to be in the direction that the 'stalkers' were standing in. Ed's eyes widened as he watched two people try to pull the third one out of the trash can via their legs which were sticking out the top. His eyes narrowed as he inspected them closely, it was.....THEM!!_

_**End of recap**_

Ed strode across the street, leaving his brother to pat the 'cute kitty witty', and made his way through the crowd to where THEY stood. He stopped right in front of THEM and waited until the two who were not in the trash can to notice his presence.

"Uh oh......SPAGHETTIO!!" The blonde one (aka the coat) cried as she looked at Ed's serious face.

"Hn..." The taller one grunted.

"Who's out there! Who iiiiiiis iiiiiiit!! IIIIIII can't seeeeeeee, come closer who ever it is so I can kick you!!!!" Came the muffled yell from inside the trash can.

"Nae, Shrimpo is here! He's come to...to WAHHHHHHH!!" The blonde one wailed.

"Go! Run! Save yourselves!! Go on without me!!" The trash can cried dramatically.

"......okay!!!" Caity **(if you haven't figured out that she is the blonde one...leave!)** said as she and the taller brunette, Tash, took off into the crowd.

"No wait! I just wanted to be dramatic! Don't really leave me!! Come back traitors!!!"

Ed sighed as he heaved the poor girl out of the trash can, she popped out with a banana peel stuck on her odd cat eared beanie and gum on her sunglasses.

"My saviou-waaaaaait a minute.....Tchya, I know you! Your the guy off the Colgate add!! No?.....hmmm oh yeah that guy was a lot taller than y-"

"SHUT UP!!"

"Ah! I got it! Your Mustang's puppy!!"

"....."

"Gee you're not as talkative now are you..."

"Hn, whatever....AL!!!"

"Coming brother!!"

"Okay Al! Handcuff her! One down two to go!" Ed exclaimed as he punched the air.

"Alright all done!" Al said as he snapped the handcuffs onto Nae's wrists. Although Nae, being Nae, had devised an awesome plan to escape...or to just be a pain in the ass. She plopped down on the ground and refused to move an inch. Al and Ed had to practically drag her along the street.

"Hey guys! Can you take back these shiny bracelets now, thanks for the gift and all but they're beginning to itch like crazy..."

Ed rolled his eyes and resumed the dragging until..

"Oh em eff gee!! It's the icecream man!! Can you buy me an ice cream!! Pwease Edward!!"

"No."

"Bu-"

"NO!"

"......"

"......"

"Bully!"

"......"

"Pwease..."

"No-"

"PWEASE!!"

"Will it shut you up?"

Nae nodded her head enthusiastically, so Ed walked over and brought her an ice cream. Although Nae just realised that she couldn't eat it with her hands hundcuffed like this, so she had to bend at an odd angle and make do.

"Buuuuuuuut I don't like ice creeeam..." Nae whined.

"Fine!" Ed said as he snatched the ice cream back from her.

"Hey! Give me back my ice cream!" Nae yelled as she snatched it back from him with her feet and began to eat it contentedly. Ed sweatdropped, was she bi-polar or something? Just as Ed was pondering this the bush to his left began to rustle. Out popped a giant, three-headed, purple squirrel!!!....No wait it was Caity and Tash.

Caity was a mess with leaves and what-not stuck in her blonde piggy tails, her right arm hanging limply by her side as she clutched her shoulder whereas Tash was completely unscathed...as always.

"Un-handed he-..uggghh...." Caity attempted to cry out dramatically, but failed.

"What the hell happened to you?!?!" Nae asked her best friends as she looked up from her chocolate ice cream.

"Weeeeeeell, Someone-" Caity paused to glare at Tash who just looked the other way innocently, "Thought it would be funny to push me down a hill and into a fence! Now my arm's all busted! Now we have to pay Sharon a visit...."

"You broke my nail!" Tash exploded, a very out of character thing for her to do.

"So! You broke my arm!!"

"You broke my nail first!!"

"You insulted my hair colour!! And my height!!"

"Whatever..." Tash scoffed as she reverted back to her moody and silent self.

"Hmmm...' Caity tapped her chin in thought. Suddenly, a stroke of genius hit her and she roughly yanked Tash down to her height and whispered. "Psst Tashie, I'll take the big one...Ready go!"

"Wait wah?!?"

Caity only just managed to pull off a front flip and pull her three sectioned bow staff out of her boot. She used it knock Al's head off, she then snatched it out of midair and clumsily raced up a tree with it, her injured arm hindering her.

"Nah nah nah nah...ugh what does Nae get outta this childish taunting stuff...it's sooooo boring....." Caity whined as she threw Al's head up into the tree branches and leapt back down only to come face to face with Ed.

"What the hell Tash!?! I told you to take care of Shrimpo...." Caity trailed off as she caught sight of Tash sitting at the base of a tree inspecting her nails.

"TASHA!!"

"......"

"Grr fine I'll take on Shrimpo, seeing as how your too chiiiiiickeeen..."

"What did you call me!!"

"You heard me!! Or are you deaf now too!!"

In all the panic, Ed realised that Nae was defenceless, or more just completely and utterly clueless, and that he could take a hostage... He grabbed her arm and pulled her to his side. She didn't seem to notice as she was to busy munching on a lollipop and listening to the other two argue. Ed watched as Al ambled past him in search of his missing head....

"I have a hostage people.."

"YOU BIG PIG!"

"COWARDLY CHICKEN!!"

"CAT-DOG!!"

"NAKED MOLE RAT!!!"

"BLONDE BIMBO!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!!"

"NEVER!!"

"YOUR SUCH A DIVA!!"

"BRAT!!"

"STUCK UP SLUT!!"

"DEMON CHILD!!!"

"OI! I HAVE A HOSTAGE HERE!!!" Ed hollered, finally sick of being ignored.

Caity sighed as she rubbed her temples. "Fine, lets make a deal..."

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**Caity: And here is where I'm leaving off!! Nahahhaha!!!**

**Roy: Beeeeeecause I'm too se-**

**Ed: Rawr!! *Kicks Mustang in the place where males should never be kicked...In the toes***

**Caity: HAHHAHAHAH!! NICE ONE ED!!! *High fives Ed***

**Nae: That was hilarious!!! HAHAH!!**

**Tash: No my poor Roy-poo!! *Runs over to Roy***

**Al: *Sigh* Just review people!! Caity is sorry that it's probably boring so far and that this chapter is so short, but it will get better during the third and fourth chapters, or so she says...**

**Caity: Yep!! ^^**

**Nae: Oh, and since we find the exceedingly long character descriptions some people have for their OC's, we have decided to just put links to pictures of our OC's on our homepage!! Whenevr I get around to it~  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Caity: Whoo Chapter three!!!**

**Nae: Whoo coke!!!**

**Caity: Coke?**

**Nae: Uh huh!**

**Caity: Anyways! As promised this chapter is a lot funnier and probably better than the first two! We just needed to get all the boring stuff out of the way.**

**Ed: They don't own me and they make no money from this! HA HA!!**

**Nae: Ummm one dollar, two dollar-oops! -Hides money behind her back-**

**Caity: You didn't see..er read that!!**

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* * *

  
**

"Colonal sir, do you really think it was such a good idea to send the Elric brothers after those three?" Hawkeye questioned as her eyes moved from Mustang, who was busy cleaning his already crystal clear windows, to the pile of exceedingly important paper work on the desk, then back to Mustang, who resorted to glaring stubbornly at a brown spot that just wouldn't budge.

"Meh, you know what those three are like, it'll keep all five of them out of my hair for a while, which will give me more time for the more, important things. .." Mustang trailed off. He gestured violently at Havoc, who just so happened to be passing the window outside, to try the scrub that darn brown spot off. (Wait, is Mustangs window ground level? Meh, it is now....)

"More important things? You mean like that pile of paper work the Fuhrer is expecting in about 5 minutes?"

Mustang yelped after dropping his Window Scrubber 2001.7 on his foot, as his boots were enjoying a day out in the sunshine after Hawkeyes damn dog peed on 'em...

He leapt anime style to his desk, knocking over his bucket of water, cursing loudly. Great, how could this day get any better? First, he got a phone call from Hughes at 1 o'clock in the morning to tell him that Elysia lost her first tooth and could he please come over and be the tooth fairy, as it would make it all the more special if his best friend did it blah blah, then, he went to the shop to buy window cleaner but he had to buy cheap, generic crap 'cause his favourite brand wasn't there, THEN Hawkeyes dog peed on him after he brought up the whole mini skirt thing again, then there was suffering the embarrassment of walking around the base with just his pink Hello-Kitty socks on, and-

"Uhh, Colonel?"

Mustang jumped out of his thoughts and proceeded to attack the paper work. Hawkeye just sweat dropped...

* * *

"So, you get Nae back, we each get two pies every Saturday and I get 50% of your loot!" Ed nodded affirmatively.

"50%??? Pfft, what do you take me for? A generous person who has nothing better to do then give all her hard earned loot to pipsqueaks? Pur-lease! 15%!"

"25%!"

"75%!"

"Deal!"

"Heh...Still got it..."

"Guys! Get serious!" Tash growled at Caity and Ed, who had disappointed expressions.

"Fiiine....Alright, so, the deal is that if you three help Al and I find a philosophers stone, we will let you go free and just tell the military you jumped country or something, ok?"

"Agreed!"

"But, Caity, this is our perfect chance to ditch Nae! She's annoying...." Tash whispered loudly into Caity's ear. Luckily Nae was too busy deciding which flavour of bubble gum she was going to eat to hear.

"Yeah but... I wont have anyone to rat out without getting a fist in the face...Plus I don't wanna have to be stuck with you all the time..." Caity smirked. Tash merely nodded her head in understanding, until the meaning of Caitys words hit her.

"Why you little....." She seethed, Caity just grinned innocently.

"Alright then..." Ed unlocked Naes handcuffs and, clipping a silver bracelet onto her wrist, shoved her towards Caity and Tash. " Its a tracking device. That way if you guys make a run for it again, it'll be easier to find you...Muwahaha!!!! Now you shall never escape my grasp,NEVER!!!! Muwahaha!!! And I shall make you my minions and we shall kick Mustangs ass to Hong Kong!!! And, and..." Ed had a sadistic, dopey expression before he finally passed out. Al just rolled his eyes (Again with the whole 'can a tin can roll its eyes' thing), he just realised that during this entire fan fiction, Ed hadn't had a single thing to eat the whole time, why oh why did he, Al, not see the warning signs, back in chapter one when Ed said he was hungry? This is why the writers of Full Metal Alchemist make him eat alot, otherwise he goes crazy. Whilst Al was panicking over what to do, Caity and Tash just stood, sweat dropping, Nae meanwhile was keeping herself amused by firing all Tash's money at some squirrels with her slingshot, completely aware of the trouble she was going to be in later.

* * *

"Yum, vor vree peanuths, theshe ar vretty goof!" Ed sat on the train, stuffing his face with peanuts happily.

"Brother, please don't speak with your mouth full. Hey, where are we going anyway? You didn't say, just that it was urgent," Al switched his gaze from his brother to Tash, who was sitting on the opposite seat reading a book.

"We are going to get Caity's arm fixed," Tash replied unemotionally, going back to her book.

Ed swallowed his peanuts. "But there was a perfectly good doctor back there, why are we travelling across the country just for one small pipsqueaks arm? Speaking of pipsqueaks, where are those two?" Ed swung around in his seat, searching for any sign of the two. "Waait a second... Where did everyone go?" He stared at the empty carriage, glancing back at Tash, who just rolled her eyes, uninterested, making him more confused.

Suddenly, a TV flickered to life, showing a western stand off from some old random movie, complete with the stand off music.

"Not again...." Tash muttered.

"Tchya, right on schedule....Alright Caity, this train aint big enough for the both of us ya hear?" Nae flipped out of the bag compartments, landing gracefully on her feet. Caity meanwhile tumbled out from underneath the snack trolley, pulling one of her pistols from her left holster. They stood at opposite ends of the carriage, Caity pointing her gun, Nae fumbling through her pockets in search of her slingshot.

"Gaah, noo, where is my slingshot??"

"Too slow!" Caity yelled as she kicked the trolley at Nae.

"Waah! I haven't even said draw!" Nae squeaked as she ducked behind a seat.

"Gaah, somethings touching my leg!" Ed paled as he glanced down in horror looking at his feet.

"Move damnit!" Nae roughly pushed Ed's legs out of her way as she commando crawled under the seats.

"Here.." Tash pulled Nae's slingshot out of her pocket. "You left it in the candy shop..."

"Oh, thank you Tashie!" Nae grinned happily as she took her beloved slingshot from Tash and stood up, aiming at Caity. "Muwahaha! Tchya, prepare to die bitch!!!"

"Never!!!!"

Nae snatched Eds peanuts from him and loaded one into her slingshot, firing it. Caity rather clumsily dodged it, the peanut smashing the window behind her.

"That was a cheap shot!!!" Caity cried as she loaded her gun. Nae just poked her tongue out. Ed stared in horror at the fate of his beloved peanuts.

Nae continued firing peanut after peanut until she ran out, Caity literally flinging herself out of the way, knocking over this and that.

"Damnit!" Nae dug through her pockets, looking for more ammo. Caity took this opportunity to take a shot at Nae, a bullet grazing her shoulder.

"Ow, that hurt!"

"Sorry!"

Ed and Al sat staring at the girls rather violent fight, shocked expressions on their faces. Tash just read on, uninterested at the mini war erupting around her, tilting her head to the side casually to avoid whatever flying projectiles came her way.

Nae eventually gave up looking for ammo and tucked her slingshot into one of her pockets. She then pulled out a set of nunchucks and swung them above her head, yelling a war cry.

"Oh shit..." Caity started running on her hands and feet, desperate to get away. Nae flipped in front of her and smacked her straight on the head.

"Tchya, take that!"

"That is so unfair!'

"Hey, your the one that kicked a trolley at me before I even said draw!"

" Alright, now I'm serious!!" Caity commando rolled under the nearest seat, Nae back flipped onto the nearest chair.

"They weren't being serious before?" Ed sqeaked. He had hid behind Al after a bullet narrowly missed his head. Tash just continued reading.

* * *

The sounds of the fight and name calling echoed through the rest of the train. The whole train shook as what sounded like a bomb was set off, causing the back carriage to come away completely.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Came Ed's 'manly' scream.

"I'M ONLY FOURTEEN!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!" Al squealed as he swapped positions with Ed, so Ed was now the shield.

"Guys, chill! It's only a bomb, I have three more," Nae said as she held out three bombs in her left hand whilst her right hand was digging through one of her other many pockets, "And some more in here...somewhere..."

Caity saw yet another opportunity and took it, taking a chunk out of Nae's elbow.

"GAWD!! We were on a time out!!" Nae exclaimed as she dropped her bombs and gripped her now bleeding elbow.

"Weeeeeeeell, you never said..TIME OUT! So how was I supposed to know?!"

"I used the signal!"

"Oh, I thought you were just attempting to use faulty alchemy.."

"What do you mean attempting?!? Faulty?!? Oh that's it!!" Nae clapped her hands together causing Ed's hair to go up in flames behind her.

"What the HELL?!? MY HAIR!!!"

"Stupid fire! The other short blonde one!!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?!!!" Ed and Caity yelled simultaneously, Ed's hair was only singed.... Thank goodness...

"Oh crap..." Nae dived behind the nearest object, Al, and cowered.

"BACK OFF SHRIMPO!! I'M KILLING HER!!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T! SHE'S MINE!!!"

"LISTEN HERE BLONDIE-"

"YOUR BLONDE TOO!!"

"DON'T BRING MY HAIR COLOUR INTO THIS!!"

"I DIDN'T! YOU DID!!"

"EXCUSES, EXCUSES!!! SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH WHAT I STARTED"

Nae, having realised that they forgot what they were fighting for, decided that she wanted to fight too. Her closest potential foe that she could actually hurt in some way was...TASH!!

"Tash...Tash..Tash...Tash..Tash..Tash..Tash.. NATASHA!!!!!!!! FIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHHTTTTTT MEEEEEEEEEEE"

"No"

"FIGHT MEEEEEEE"

"No"

"FIGHT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"No"

"FIGHT "

"No"

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT "

"No!" Tash finally lost it as she punched Nae clean in the jaw, sending her careering into the other side of the train, in turn making it come off the tracks and roll down the hill.

"NAE!! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW!!" Caity hollered as she pulled her trusty three section bow stuff out of her boot and attacked Nae with it.

"IT WASN'T ME!! IT WAS KESHIZUMI!!!" Nae yelled as she blocked Caity's blows with some tessen fans she pulled out of yet another pocket.

"DON'T BLAME YOUR POOR INNOCENT PET FERRET!!!"

"I'M NOT BLAMING HIM, IT IS HIS FAULT!!"

So, the two continued to tumble around as the carriage steadily rolled down the hill, Ed was rolling up and down the aisle, Al had somehow managed to become trapped inside the snack trolley and Tash remained seated, through her awesomeness, still reading her book. The train carriage came to an abrupt stop as it hit a tree, flinging Caity out the window. Nae was thrown over chair, Al was silent although still trapped and Ed was trying his hardest not to be sick. Tash calmly flicked through her book, her eyes widened as she got to the bottom of the page...

"WHAT?! HE DUMPED HER!! THAT BASTARD!! I REFUSE TO READ THIS RUBBISH ANY LONGER!!!" She roared as she tossed it out the window, crossing her arms she stared huffily the in the other direction.

"Tash, you only read three pages!!... Hey, where's Caity?" Nae asked as she glanced around for her sparring partner.

"CAN SOMEONE GET ME DOWN!!!"

They followed the voice outside, pushing Al in the trolley, to the tree. Glancing up they saw an extremely mad, almost unidentifiable girl entangled in the branches.

"GET ME DOWN!!"

"OKIE DOKIES!!" Nae called as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her ferret, Keshizumi, and threw it at Caity with her uninjured arm.

"I SAID GET ME DOWN! NOT THROW GOOD-FOR-NOTHING-FURBALLS AT ME!!"

"THAT'S IT!!" Nae hollered as she threw a whole heap of ninja stars in Caity's direction.

"EEP!!" Caity screeched as she came crashing down to earth and landed on her hands and knees.

"That's gonna leave a mark." Caity sighed as she hauled herself to her feet, using one arm of course.

"Haha! Feel my ferrety wrath, tchya!!"

"Sooooo this whole time you had a ferret in your pocket?" Al asked as his heart broke in two, that poor, poor ferret...

"Yeah.."

"Oh my god! It's Superferret!!" Ed exclaimed as he picked up Keshizumi and examined him for any injuries, he had none but Ed had a nice set of claw marks running down his face.

"Guys, due to your performance in there," Nae shot Tash a 'are you kidding me look', Tash ignored her and continued, "We're now stuck walking to Sharon's place, I hope your happy!"

And with that Tash began to walk away..

"Tash it's that way.."

"Oh I knew that!" Tash replied as she began to make her way in the right direction this time.

* * *

"What on Earth are you three doing?" Ed sighed as he looked down at the three girls commando crawling through the dirt at his feet.

"Shhhhh! Get down!!" Nae hissed, as she knocked Ed's legs out from underneath him, sending him crashing to the ground.

"But-OW!" Al didn't get very far in his protesting because Tash had done the same thing to him.

"Tck!!" Keshizumi squeaked as he to collided with the ground. Everyone turned to stare at Caity, who just shrugged.

"I didn't want to feel left out.."

"You know what!? This is ridiculous!" Ed said as he got to his feet, ignoring the whispers of protest. He stumbled through the bushes towards a large cottage which sat in the middle of a clearing. He walked out into the open, scanning his surroundings for any sign of life.

"HEY!! ANYONE HOME!!!"

"" A war cry was heard as the door was flung open and a pot came flying out, effectively knocking Ed into a tree.

"NO! BROTHER!!" Al screamed as he began to make his way towards his brother, but was tackled to the ground by a grey blur and repeatedly beaten with a broom.

"Granny Batafurai!! Calm down! They aren't demons-" A girl ran out of a nearby hen house. The new-comer didn't get much of a chance to speak however, before she to was tackled to the ground.

"Hey Sharon!!" Caity exclaimed.

"SHAZZA!!!" Nae screamed.

"Hn..." Tash, uhhh 'Hn-ed', as she stood off to the side, she was too good for the whole hugging thing.

"What are you guys doing here?" Sharon asked as she, with much difficulty managed to force her grandmother back inside, who was desperately attempting to flick salt at Nae.

"NO! THE MOUNTAIN DEMONS ARE BACK!! THEY BRING METAL.....UHHHH.....BEINGS WITH THEM!!! NOOOOOOOO!! IT'S AN OMEN!!!!"

Sharon rolled her eyes at her eccentric grandmother, she was the reason that they lived on this forsaken mountain in the first place. She claimed that she had to protect the village from the mountain demons and where better to do so than on the mountain itself. Ed and Al stared at the rather dangerous granny. She was less then a metre tall with her greying hair pulled tightly into a bun at the back of her head and a column of beads hanging in front of her face. She seemed fairly frail, but boy could she swing that broom!

"Weeeeeeeeell, someone," Caity once again looked at Tash, who once again looked the other way innocently, "Thought it would be funny to push me down a hill and into a fence...Long story short, my right arm is busted again...."

"Again? Sheesh, Your lucky I recycle your broken arms.." Sharon sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"You recycle arms!!!" Ed stared shocked at the small girl in front of him in horror. And they thought that he and Al were demons!!

"Well, yeah. It keeps the cost of metal down..."

"Metal? I don't see the connection...." Ed trailed off as he glanced at Al, who was busy eyeing the deadly broom to notice.

"Uh yeah, now if you'll excuse us. I had better take a look at that arm Caity." Sharon replied as she led Caity and Tash inside. Nae, however, grabbed Ed and Al's arms and dragged them way to see the chickens.

* * *

"And this one is Sally, and this one is Suzie-pie, and this one is Sherbet, and this one i-" Nae and her chicken introductory were cut off by a loud scream of pain.

"AHHHHHH! DAMNIT SHARON!!! BE GENTLE!!"

"What was thaaaaat?" Al asked suspiciously as he patted one of the chickens.

"Uhmmmmm.....BRAWK BRAWK BRAWK!!!" Nae effectively covered, as she waved her arms like wings.

"GAAAAAAHHH! I SWEAR SHARON IF I DIDN'T NEED YOU THEN I WOULD KILL YOU!!!"

"There it is again.." Ed said as he glanced around.

"NOOOOOO! THAT WAS JUST ME!! SEE!!" Nae pointed at a random chicken, who's name tag said 'Eggie', "GAAAAAAH!! I SWEAR, SHARON, IF I DIDN'T NEED YOU FOR EGGS THEN I WOULD KILL YOU!!!"

"Umm that chicken isn't called Sha-"

"YES IT IS!!!"

"Uh okay sure." Ed replied uncertainly.

"Tchya! That's right!"

"RRRRRGH!!!"

"Uhmmmm Let's go see the RRRRRRRGH-ABBITS!!" Nae said enthusiastically dragging them both towards the rabbit hutch.

* * *

"Damnit Sharon!"

"Stop squirming! Tash hold her down!"

"Hn..."

"NO TASH YOU TRAITOR!!!!"

"Almost done, this connects here and....get ready to hold her down..."

"Hn"

Sharon flicked the last part into place and..

"HOLY COW!! I HATE YOU ALL!! GAWD!!!! FUDGEMONKEYS!!"

* * *

"What was that!" Ed said, as he dropped Patches, the bunny he was holding.

"The Mountain demons, they be a-coming for their fudgemonkeys..." Nae quite seriously stated, to the point of she was quite believable.

"Uh huh, shouldn't we head back now.." Al looked worriedly at the sky, he didn't want to be outside in the dark when the mountain demons came.

"Well, judging by the extremely painful scream, Sharon should just about be done by now." Nae said as she skipped back towards the cottage. She paused as she reached the back door, and spun around so that her back was against the wall, gesturing for Ed and Al to do the same. She then began counting down on her fingers, three, two, one..

"GAAAAAH!!"

Nae, by now Al had joined her hiding behind the wall whilst Ed had pulled out a notepad and had started to take notes, counted down once more, three, two, one..

"KYYAAAAAAAAA!!!" And the door flung open to reveal Granny Batafurai, brandishing her wooden spoon of doom!! She smacked Ed hard on the head, causing him to fall to the ground.

"Hm, oh, your not a demon, that's funny I thought I could have sworn I heard one just now..." Shrugging, she threw her wooden spoon over her shoulder, causing it to hit Ed's head again. Nae shot Ed an 'I-told-you-so' look, before smirking smugly. Ed didn't seem to notice however as he was too busy scribbling important findings into his notebook and rubbing his head. At that moment Tash, Sharon and Caity emerged from an old train carriage, which was discreetly hidden by trees.

"I hate you Sharon.." Caity glared at the smaller, but surprisingly older girl.

"I know ya do!" Sharon replied cheerfully as she patted Caity on the back. Caity just rolled her eyes and pulled her guns out, twirling them around her fingers.

"I missed you my babies!!" She said as she cuddled her guns close.

"Now if I....No wait...what if...nah!" Ed mumbled to himself as he scribbled in his notebook furiously.

"Whatcha doing Edward?" Nae asked curiously as she popped up behind him and looked over his shoulder.

"Wahhh.." Ed cried as he scrambled to hide his precious notepad and all the breakthroughs inside.

"KIDDIELYWINKS!! COME INSIDE AND GET YOUR DINNER BEFORE THE MOUNTAIN DEMONS COME TO GET THEIR OFFERINGS!!!"

"Ooooh food!" Caity and Ed yelled as they raced towards the door and both got stuck in the doorway. Nae just shoved them inside, and gestured to the bowl next to her.

"See, Fudgemonkeys..."

"Nae, those are the marshmellow Mountain demon offerings.." Sharon said slowly.

"Fudgemonkeys..." Nae growled as she completely ignored the door and clambered in the window.

Sharon sniffed the air, "Oh no, Granny Batafurai made Slug Stew again..." She sighed. Ignoring Al's horrified expression, her and Tash made their way inside only to be followed by Al a few seconds later.

"DON'T LEAVE ME!!!"

"Oh em gee! Slug Stew! I want thirds!!"

"Nae, You haven't even eaten your firsts and seconds yet.."

"I WANT THIRDS!!"

* * *

**Nae: Review and you get fudgemonkeys!!**

**Caity: NIOUUUU!! MY FUDGEMONKEYS!!! -runs away-**

**Nae: Oh no ya don't!!! -chases-**

**Ed: Yes their gone!! Muahahhaahhaa!!!! -pulls fudemonkeys out of pocket-...wait a minute, these are marshmellows!! I have been ripped off!! Al!! Fetch me fudgemonkeys!!**

**Al: .... **

* * *

Well, if you have ever watched Katekyo Hitman Reborn! you just may know about Haru's little interview things at the end of the episodes? Anyway, they are what inspired these little interview things imma start doing at the end of some of the chapters, just to clear up a few random things and cause I feel like it...

Sharons Happy Happy Interviews~!

Sharon: Hey everyone! And welcome to the first installment of 'Sharon's Happy Happy Interviews~!' ! Today we shall be interviewing Caity!

Caity: HIIIYAS!!!

Sharon: Alright, first question...'What was that train carriage you came out of doing at Sharons place?' from Al.

Caity: Well! Last time we came to visit Sharon, Nae and I were fighting over who got to eat the last taco, Naes bombs got involved and yeah, we took a tumble down the hill, only that time I didnt get stuck in a tree...I instead had to climb the tree anyway to retrieve Tash's book, but I shot it down and then had to buy her a new one!

Sharon: OK! Next question! 'Where do you hide your money?' from anonymous.

Caity: Nae, I am not telling you where I keep my money, I have things I wish to buy, like...OMFG!! *Picks up magazine* Half price sale at Boots-R-Us!!! *Throws mag and runs* See ya Sharon!

Sharon: Uuuuh...Well, I guess thats it for 'Sharon's Happy Happy Interviews~!'. Feel free to submit any questions! See you again, desu! (**Hehe..**)


	4. Chapter 4

**Caity: Boo-ya! Chapter 4 babay!!!**

**Nae: Yayz!!!!**

**Caity: Well, we shan't blabber on too much, so onwards brave souls!!!**

**

* * *

  
**

_The constant sound of water dripping echoed through the room. I looked through the bars of my cage. Despite having improved night vision, the room was still too dark to make anything out. I looked to my left. The still form of a girl lay, the same as she has been for the past six years, unmoving, yet alive. I lived in constant fear of what the next day would bring, of the constant experimentation, as I have been for many years now. The silence was broken by the cheerful laughter of children playing upstairs. I believed them to be around my age but I despised them. They played and laughed, like normal children, where as I was confined to this room, having never seen the light of day since I was young. I still am young, I know that, but I feel like I've been here forever. I wonder if they know what's happening right beneath their feet, and if they do, do they care? They probably wouldn't...._

"So, there was little Jimmy, trapped in the corner with no way of escape, when..." Caity froze, her arms up in the air for emphasis.

"TCHYA!" Nae continued. "Glass flew everywhere and two completely awesome super heroes came flying through the air-"

"And tackled the evil bad guys to the floor! They were all like-" Caity changed to a high pitched voice and started flapping her hands. "Oh no, we surrender, don't kill us, please-"

"And we were all like 'hmmm, should we or shouldn't we...' We decided to spare them so-"

"We tied 'em up-"

" Threw them into the back of a police car-"

"And we all lived happily ever after! The end!" Nae and Caity finished their story speaking the ending in perfect unison. Everyone else, except Ed and Tash who refused point blank to even touch theirs, were slowing munching their slugs, completely absorbed in Nae and Caity's totally awesome, overly-exaggerated story.

The room went quiet as everyone dug into their second helping of slug stew, Nae her fifth. Despite the Grannies craziness, she was actually a splendid cook and could make even slugs edible. The silence of the room was broken when Ed suddenly leapt out of his seat, causing Nae, Caity and Sharon to spill slugs down their fronts.

"I got it!! Caity, your right arm! Its automail!! Your right sleeve is longer then the other and you wear a full glove on your right hand, thus covering your automail! Thats also why you were in no pain when you broke it! " He yelled pointing at Caity and flapping his note pad around. Everyone else just rolled their eyes and returned to their slugs.

"Great observation skills genius..."

"Ewie, Nae got slugs in her senbon pocket..." Nae whined as she stuck her hand down her shirt and into a hidden pocket, looking a tad odd as she awkwardly fished the slugs out.

"Guys, this is a breakthrough!! Look!"

Ed waved his notepad around some more. It showed a really crappy chibi drawing of Caity plus Sharon plus wrench plus yells of pain equals automail arm!

"Brother, even I knew that, I thought it was obvious...Is that what you have been working on for the past 6 hours?"

"Nope! I also did this!"

He flipped his notepad to the next page, showing another really crappy chibi drawing of himself holding a trophy and grinning with Nae, Caity and Mustang in the back crying. Ed just smiled proudly at his 'artwork'.

Ed then flipped to the next page. "There's also something else..." He trailed off, then suddenly snatched Nae's arm, who was sitting next to him, and started inspecting it for the bullet holes he swore Caity had put there earlier.

"What the hell!" He exclaimed.

"Umm, yes?" Nae asked uncertainly, letting out a squeak of pain when Ed twisted her arm forward. Caity jumped out of her seat, grabbed her staff from her boot and wacked Ed over the head.

"Ow!" Ed yelled as he let go of Nae, who sat rubbing her shoulder. "What was that for?"

"What on Earth were you doing shrimpo?" Caity growled.

"Well, earlier you shot her and now there is nothing, I don't get...What the hell are you people?"

Caity instantly lightened up. "Oh, is that all you wanted to know, oops, sorry! Well, its a long story you see-"

"Shhhhh, I sense a presence..." Nae whispered dramatically.

Everyone froze. Nae scanned the room and slowly reached for her slingshot, loading a slug into it. She aimed it at the air con grating and fired, causing a very angry white blur to fall through the hole left by the now broken grating. Ed squealed as it landed on his head.

"AAAAH!!! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!!" Ed picked up his spoon and proceeded to wack the furry creature, who made a sound oddly like a parrot screeching.

"YUKI!!!" Caity jumped out of her seat and scooped the furry white fox into her arms, snuggling her face into it. "Naaaw, did the evil Eddy-weddy hurt you? He's a big bully isn't he?"

Ed sat rubbing his head, staring perplexed at the rather cute creature which only seconds ago had been trying to separate his scalp from his head. He cringed in pain as a heavy wooden object collided with his head.

"Ed, hurting Nae is bad enough, but, Yuki? Nup that is crossing the line that is!" Caity wacked him on the head again with her staff, Yuki sitting quite smugly in her arms. "If...you..ever..tough...her..again...you..will..die!" She kept whacking him until he transmuted a blade out of his auto mail, cutting Caity's bo staff in half.

"Stop it!" Ed braced himself for another attack. None came. He risked a peek through his arms, which were in the air acting as a shield. He watched as Caity placed her hand over the cut in her staff, a blue light forming as the pieces rejoined. "You..you can do alchemy?"

"Ah ha!" Ed sighed in relief; Caity was back to her normal bubbly self. "Watch this..." She pointed to Tash, who was taking a sip out of her cup of water, only to start choking as the liquid solidified and slipped into her mouth, gagging her. She managed to spit the ice cube out, and glared at Caity. Caity let out a small squeak before dashing off, Tash hot on her heels. The room went quiet.

"Sooo..." Ed looked around the room. Al was sitting in the corner, for once glad he couldn't eat as just the sight of those slugs made him sick, Granny was mixing up some random mixture of different herbs and liquids at a bench at the side of the room, Sharon was looking up at Nae, worry evident in her features and Nae was, well, being Nae.

"Tchya, Edward, ya gotta try this!" She giggled as she hung upside down off the chandelier.

Granny gave a satisfied nod as she poured her completed mixture into a squirty bottle and turned to climb onto the table. She precariously scrambled up and walked to the centre until she was face to face with Nae. Nae, still on edge after Ed's random attack, gazed back, ready to defend herself if the crazy old bat randomly decided that she was a demon or impostor or something. She fell off the chandelier and landed with a crash on the table after granny squirted her in the face with the unknown substance and walked off, quite satisfied with her work, hopped off the table and toddled into the kitchen. Nae sat up and wiped the liquid off her face.

"Tchye, Holy water, hmm, that's new. Better then garlic or salt I guess..."

Everyone jumped as a loud smash shook the house, followed by yelling.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, MUWAHAHAHA!!!"

"GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE!!!"

"NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON MY AWESOMENESS!!! BAHA!!!"

"WANNA BET BITCH!!!"

"BRING IT!"

"So, aaah, holy water?" Ed was finding the silence uncomfortable, the yelling continued in the background.

"OW!!! YOU SHOT MY FOOT!!!"

"WELL, YOU SHOULDNT BE CHASING ME!!!"

"YOUR THE ONE THAT TRIED TO KILL ME WITH A FRICKEN ICE BLOCK"

"Aha, Granny Batty-furai is fully convinced that I'm a witch or something..." Nae replied as if that settled the matter. An awkward silence settled over the room again, interrupted by the yells and bangs echoing through the house. There was a large smash of china hitting the ground.

"Woops...I hope that wasn't expensive!"

"Caity!"

Granny Batafurai came stomping out of the kitchen, face contorted with anger, brandishing a rather deadly looking soup ladle, muttering to herself.

"Demon...spawn...break...anti-demon.....statue....kill..."

Sharon muttered an 'Oh crap' whilst Nae, Ed and Al just watched the vicious old lady as she made her way to go kick some serious arse.

* * *

"Aren't you supposed to be some pistol crack-shot?"

"Yeaaaah..."

"Well how on Earth did you manage to hit something that was at least 3 metres from me?"

"You know what....I don't know...."

Caity and Tash sat huddled on the ground, failing at super gluing the statue back together. Tash's foot was bleeding for the bullet wound she sustained. Suddenly, a dark aura filled the hall and the hairs on the back of the girls necks stood up. They slowly turned, only to see Granny Batafurai looming over them, a malicious grin spread across her face, ladle held high above her head...

* * *

Ed snuggled deep into his warm, fluffy blankies, glad that everything was finally quiet. Caity and Al slept across the room, Al on the bottom bunk, Caity muttering something about ponies on the top one. Tash demanded a room of her own and Sharon was sleeping in her own room. Nae, he presumed, was on the top of his bunk. Just as he was about to fall asleep-

"BANG!!"

Ed quickly jerked awake, looking around for any sign of an intruder.

"BANG!! BA BANG BANG!!!"

He looked up and noticed Caity jumping around in her bed, guns pointing at the roof. Thankfully, they didn't seem to have any ammo in them.

"DIE BITCHES!!!"

Ed continued watching Caity warily. She appeared to be sleep shooting? Ok, now that is a tad odd. Not only was she pretending to shoot at whatever it is she thought she was shooting at, but she was yelling rather loudly and making her own banging sound effects.

"BAHAHAHAHA!!! FEEL THE WRATH OF MA BULLETS!!!"

She commando rolled from one side of the bed to the other, still pretending to shoot.

"BANG! BANG BANG! HA YOU ALMOST GOT ME, SUCKERS!!!"

Caity attempted to perform a flip off her bed, but instead caught her foot on the railing and crashed to the ground. Ed moved to the edge of his bed- she was lying on her back, fast asleep. Rolling his eyes, he sat up and checked his watch: 2.54am....He sat up, no point in trying to sleep while some trigger happy sleep shooter was jumping and yelling. He stood up, but jumped back into bed when Caity suddenly sat up and pointed her guns at him, still asleep.

"Think you can escape, eh? WELL NOT FROM ME YA CANT!! BANG BANG!"

Ed cringed when he heard the sound of the trigger click, but nothing happened. Suddenly, Caity went quiet and opened her eyes a crack.

"Oh god...cant you guys be quiet for once?....I'm trying to sleep...."

She slowly heaved herself up and pulled herself up the ladder into her own bed, instantly falling back asleep. Ed just blinked. Deciding that he had better leave before she started dreaming about using her guns as clubs, he slipped off his bed and tip-toed quietly onto the veranda.

Ed looked out over the railing at the moonlit forest, a gentle breeze rustling the trees. A solitary owl hooted as it flew off in search of food and a group of small, furry animals quietly squabbled over the 'fudgemonkeys' as Nae called them. He –

" HI EDWARD!"

-fell backward into a pot plant as a cat eared figure flipped over the edge of the roof, hanging upside down from the gutter.

"Oh Nae, its only you..." Ed sighed as he sat up, rubbing his head. "Don't do that ok?"

"Sorry Edward!" Nae flipped off the roof and crouched on the railing. "Can't sleep?" She asked. Ed got up and walked back over to the railing.

"Yeah.."

"Caity?"

"Yeah, does she do that often?"

"Tchya,why do you think Tash wanted her own room? Plus that ain't the worst of it, one night she got hold of one of my knives...That was scary....But don't worry about getting shot in your sleep, I make sure to confiscate all her ammo," She reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a handful of bullet magazines. " But shhhh, don't tell her!"

"Dont worry, I wont.." Ed shuddered. She was scary enough without her bullets and he wanted to be able to sleep without worrying about whether or not he will see the next morning...

"Soo, aah, about the whole 'why don't you have any bullet holes thing?" Ed asked apologetically.

"Well, you see, I wont be able to explain much considering I was locked up in the back of a dark basement with a comatosed chick most of my childhood,tchye, but I guess I'll try...

"Caity actually cant remember her child hood because she got amnesia after loosing her arm in a car crash, which killed both her parents. It was Sharon's mum that made the automail arm for her. Tash's parents were also killed, but they were murdered by the military, I'm not too sure why... And as for me, well I don't remember much because I was in the dark most of the time, but I was extensively experimented on by the military, in fact I don't even have any idea what they did to me. Anyway, the military picked Caity up from the hospital and they got Tash after they killed her parents, how they got me I don't know. Well, we were then experimented on and trained to become the 'ultimate weapons' for the military, that's how we got these crystals," Nae picked up a red crystal that was suspended from a necklace."What they do I'm not entirely sure, but they make us almost invincible it seems, or at least heal faster then average. They also appear to give attributes to our alchemy, Caity ice, Tash thunder and me fire, Tchya!

"We refused to co-operate and attempted to escape a few times. Once we did actually succeed and so we took the comatosed girl I mentioned earlier, Terese, to a trusted friends house so they can't touch her anymore. But since we didn't really plan what exactly we were going to do when we got out, we were at a loss of what to do next and Caity was re-captured. Tash and I busted her out, met you, I got caught and yeah, now we are stuck with you two..." Nae fell silent, attempting to tug off the tracking device still on her arm. Ed was lost in thought. He looked back at Nae, who was now doing cartwheels on the railing.

"Gee for someone who was locked up all their lives, you are pretty jumpy.."

"I'm making the most of it! Plus, I'm a chimera, merged with a cat, so I'm pretty agile anyway Tchya!"

Ed froze. A chimera? Well that certainly came as a surprise to him. And as for the other two...He would have to ask them himself.

"Why aren't you asleep? We have a long travel tomorrow and your going to tire yourself out doing that..."

"I am nocturnal! I sleep during the day, though come to think of it, hehe, I haven't slept for the past 48 hours!"

"Riiight...."

"Hey Edward, I have a joke for ya... If there was a serious car crash, who would be the most likely to survive? The dumb blonde, the smart blonde, Barney or Big Foot?"

" Ummm, well, I reckon Barney, because of all the padding in the suit aaaaaand he's a dinosaur so if he wasn't killed millions of years ago, then how could a simple car crash destroy him? Of course we have to take into account alchemy's founding principle, equivalent exchange'-"

Nae just blinked at him. It was a joke for heavens sake!! It wasn't as if as if she was asking him to answer a history assignment question!

"-And that's according to Newtons theory, of course! Then, there's Einstein's light bulb design diagrams. According to them, just say this car had a large amount of light bulbs-"

Ed pulled out his notebook and started drawing a very complicated diagram of light bulbs, alchemy circles, giant purple dinosaurs, apples and cars wrapped around poles.

"-and that is why Barney would survive and all the others are idiots because they got into a car with Big Foot, who was obviously the driver! How I know he is the driver you may ask? Well, if we think about Leonardo da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa', also known as the 'La Gioconda' may I add, well -"

"Ummm...right...well actually the answers is......the dumb blonde!!! 'Cause all the others don't exist, hah!"

"But according to Newtons theory......Wait a second....I AM A SMART BLONDE!!! GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE-"

BANG! Ed and Nae jumped as part of the roof flew into the air!

"HOLY CRAP!" Ed yelled as he ducked behind a pot plant. They stuck their heads into the doorway, only to see Caity lying under Ed's bed shooting at a perfectly innocent moth as it zoomed around near the roof. Al was cowering under his blanket, only to have the roof suddenly cave in on him.

"AL!" Ed ran forwards, only to be stopped by Nae.

"Beware the sleep shooter....Dun dun dunnnn!"

"Nae this is serious! Al is-"

"Yeah, yeah...the important thing here is that we get that ammo from her, were on Earth did she get it from anyway.....hmmmm..."

"Nae!"

"Oh right!"

Nae crept up to the still shooting Caity, who was cackling evilly at the plight of the poor moth. Using her super awesome, extremely stealthy cattiness, Nae crept up to Caity and yelled into her ear.

"CAITY! THE MACARONI MONSTERS ARE COMING, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! YOUR AMMO WONT WORK AGAINST IT! YOU MUST SAVE THE PRINCESS!!!"

Caity suddenly snapped awaked.

"Princess? There are no princesses you idiot! I was trying to fight...off....the.....waait a second....I did it again didn't I?"

"Ah-huh!"

"And, err, why has the roof collapsed?"

"Oh, uuhhh, Ed snored too loud and the demons, weeell, they weren't too happy with their fudgemonkeys....They don't like vanilla you see...."

"Oh, ok, so ahhh, where is Al?"

"Mummble muffle mumbles muffle!"

"Al don't worry, I'll save you!!"

Ed dug frantically through the pile of debris trying to save his beloved brother.

"Well, I, Nae, feel that since it is Caity's fault that Ed snores too loud, I decree that she saves Al! Also, she appears to have failed in saving the princess!"

"What! Plus its not my fault I couldn't save her, the evil moth ball monster was in my way!"

"Caity...save Al....now..."

"Fine...."

"Okie dokies! Aaaand while she's doing that, Im'a go find Keshi and Yuki!"

* * *

It was morning. The sun was shining bright and the birds were singing. A certain blonde was hanging onto a pole for dear life, almost crying.

"Noooo!!! I don't want to do it!!! Please, anything but that!!!"

"Ed do it or....." A small red headed girl was standing in front of the blonde, pulling a small but dangerous looking knife out of one of her pockets. "I'll cut your hair!"

"You think that's a sword? This is a sword!" A large blade shot out of Ed's arm, he stood smirking. Nae just grinned as she pulled a katana out from another of her pockets.

"Fine..." Ed sighed as he untransmuted his arm and walked grudgingly back into the bedroom.

He slowly approached the sleeping figure, completely aware of how dangerous of a situation he was in. Cautiously, he poked her on the shoulder.

"Psst, Caity, get up, its time to go..."

No response...

"Caity...up..."

Tash looked at Nae who was standing just outside the door.

"You did that too him on purpose didn't you? Not being lazy for once..."

"Yup!"

"Oooh, your evil..."

Nae just stood waiting...waiting......again she started counting down...three....two...one.....

"SAVE ME!!!!"

Ed came running out of the bedroom, sprinted across the room and out a window. He was followed by a rather scary looking Caity. Her hair was a mess and she was still in her PJ's, a pistol in both hands, a murderous look on her face.

"Alright, where's the bastard that dared to wake me up?! WHERE IS HE?"

"Come on Caity, we gotta get going!!" Nae cheerfully grabbed Caity's arm and attempted to drag her outside, only to have her latch on to the cupboard.

"NOOOOO!!! I need foood!!!!!!"

"Well ya should have gotten up earlier...."

Caity snatched her arm back and stalked back into her room, her nose in the air, this would have made for an awesome exit had she not tripped over the dining room table. Tash just sniggered as she too walked off. Fifteen minutes later Caity was dressed, fed and ready to set sail!! Ed had hidden in the garden until she had forgotten about him, becoming best friends with a garden snail named Jim. Nae, Keshizumi, Tash, Ed, Al, Caity and Yuki stood at the front of Sharon's house, ready to begin their journey.

Once Nae was 100% sure she had all of her weapons, which she had a tendency to leave lying everywhere, they all said a final farewell (and Nae got a double dosing of salt, just in case), the group set off down the road.

"So where we going Ed?" Caity asked as she skipped along the road. Ed reached into his pocket and pull out a scrap of paper, unfolding it. It showed a picture of a rather rich looking man with short black hair and piercing blue eyes.

"Well, during my investigations, I discovered this guy, Oliver Hekigan - " Tash paused at the mentioning of the mans name, but shook her head and continued walking. "Apparently he has succeeded in creating a philosophers stone, so we will be heading there."

"Woo, sounds like fun! So where are we headed?" Caity asked.

"Well, Hekigan's mansion is in the hillside near a small town called Myrivini, a town popular for its street performers and shopping, its actually quite rich for such a small place. Very colourful and loud too, from what I can remember." Al answered.

The group walked on in silence. Yuki and Keshizumi chased each other through the tall grass on the side of the road, flushing out small birds. Due to her lack of sleep, Nae slept on Tash's back, the taller girl didn't seem to care: She was quiet and if Nae's quiet, then Caity tends to be too. Caity was humming to herself and watching the birds as they flew overhead. Ed and Al meanwhile alternated over looking at maps and bits of paper to practising their alchemy, with Caity occasionally joining in.

Finally, after a rather uneventful walk, they made it up the hill to the train station.

* * *

Sharons Happy Happy Interviews~!

Sharon: Hello and welcome to another installment of 'Sharon's Happy Happy Inteviews~!'! Say hi to Granny Batafurai!

Granny B: Shhh my dear....I sense demons abound...

Sharon: *whispers* Ok Granny...First question...'What sort of a cottage do you live in? Not only does it have a second story, but a chandelier in the dining room?' from Ed.

Granny B: Its is a special anti-demon cottage...It also has a secret underground observatory room to keep tabs on all the demon sightings and activity in the area, complete with spa bath and coffee machine. I also have acorns hanging at each window, to keep the lightening out. There is also a bell tower connected to the hen house, as the sound of the bell, which is triggered by the hens when they lay eggs, keeps the demons away. And-

Sharon: Second question' Do you-

Granny B: My dear, is that a rosemary stem behind your ear? What bad luck that brings! A rosemary stalk behind the ear of a fair maiden brings bad luck to those within a 10 mile radius until the next waning moon! I am leaving! I will see you in a month my dear, may you be safe!

Sharon:......Uuh....Thats it for 'Sharon's Happy Happy Interviews~!' I guess....See you again...desu...


End file.
